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Yesterday, I tried to enroll my oldest daughter into kindergarten. I say, try, because there are only eight openings, and if there are more than eight kids a lottery will be held.
Jasmine has already had two years of preschool, and she strolled quiet confidently into the classroom. I wish I had felt as confident. Her preschool experience has taught her how a classroom works and feels. She just starts playing with other kids. My parental preschool experience has taught me nothing. From my view, preschool was just temporary, so I was not really involved in the inner workings of the program.
Jasmine has learned to interact with other children and teachers. I have no idea how to interact with other parents, or how to interact with a teacher from an adult’s perspective. I have yet to master making such comments “as isn’t she cute?” or “He’s so clever.”, sound natural. When speaking with teachers, I still expect to hand in a paper, or actually be told something that will boost my intellectual development.
I look at all the opportunities in which Jasmine will be able to participate. There are band, sports, art, drama and Spanish classes. I know when the time comes Jasmine will participate fully in whatever activity she chooses. I look at the opportunities facing me, and I see PTO, parent’s club, and school board. I wonder if I will embrace the activities like my daughter will.
I know I want to be an active participant, but I also am aware that I probably face more obstacles to my participation than my daughter does. I know each organization has its own political structure, and part of me just does not want to be involved in the struggles that develop within organizations. Involvement in any group requires a time commitment, and time is precious. I also know that the work of the various school groups is a very rewarding experience, and that many times good friendship result from working in these groups.
I want to go to a parent’s preschool. I want someone to teach me how to throw away all those adult self doubts and preconceptions. I need to have the childlike faith in myself that says, “I belong here just because I am an adult.” I need to shed the experiences that organizations are political structures that can be filled with inner turmoil.
Fortunately, I have several months to prepare for the full experience of being a parent with a child in school. Hopefully, at the end of the summer I can say “I spent my summer vacation, becoming enough of a child to cope as an active parent at school."
Jan. 31, 2000
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