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1. Do children absorb food through the skin? - Last night, I watched my baby, Jane, have a few french fries, a couple of bites of some processed chicken nugget piece, a couple strands of spaghetti, milk, and some applesauce. This was dinner. It doesn't seem like a child (especially an active one) can survive on that. After she finished her applesauce, she took the spoon and rubbed it against her head. Then she got bored, so the not-real-smart male parental figure let her play with ketchup and honey mustard. Soon, both condiments were spread all over her face, head, and arms. Baby war paint. This child who resembles a TeleTubbie must somehow absorb the nutrients and calories through her skin.
2. Do men really ever get exhausted? - Jafar didn't go to work today because he was exhausted. Now, I will admit that we have been really busy the past several months, and that the kids and I have been fighting off infections, but does a man really know what exhaustion is? Here is the husband's average day, get up between 6:30 - 7, get dressed, go to work, come home, eat dinner, get kids all hyper before bedtime, watch tv, pay bills on the computer, watch auctions on the computer, and go to bed. Bedtime varies by the amount of time spent on the computer. Here is the wife's average workday. Get up between 5:30 - 6 (there's only one bathroom, and someone has to go first), get child yelling "Ma Ma" out of the crib, spend sometime watching children's television because the toddler wants to stick to your leg, get dressed while doing several of these other items, and finally leave for work. Okay, that takes me to 7 am. Go to work, at lunch run errands, go home from work, make children's dinners, make adult dinners; clean up from children and adult dinners. Now, we've hit about 8 PM, and its time to get children ready for bed, and into bed. Finally time to relax. During the day, you've picked up the toddler over 100 times, bent over to pick up items 100 times, said "No" at least 100 times and dried tears a few times. If there is any energy left, it's usually spent by getting some cleaning done before the weekend. The mother goes to bed after the nightly news. Do you really think he knows the meaning of exhaustion?
3. When did five years become so cool? - Jasmine has told me that Disney characters on her clothes are not cool. Excuse me, I'm a great deal older and I still have Disney characters on my clothes. Don't even tell the child that she is cute, she immediately looks at you disdainfully and says "Cool, not cute." She's so cool, she can tell me that I'm having a bad hair day. I don't recall being so cool or blunt at five.
4. Can the dreaded "becoming our mother" disease be stopped? - There should be some kind of national funding for research into this disease. Every now and then, I hear a phrase come out of my mouth that I know I have been on the receiving end of before. As Jane mutters her constant litany of "Ma, ma, ma, ma…", I have been know to say, "I've changed my name." Ouch. My mother was constantly changing her name also. Don't get me wrong, my mother is a very nice woman, but I need to become a unique slight annoyance to my children
5. Will I ever get to be in the bathroom alone? - Before children, I could actually go into the bathroom and not be bothered most of the time. I know it should seem like I could do this all the time, but husbands being who they are, often ask questions such as, "Where are the dishes?", when the wife enters the bathroom. By the way, the correct answer to "Where are the dishes?" is "In the same cabinet that they have been for five years." It gets worse with children. When they are young they are so curious about the bathroom. Every time I open the door, the toddler scoots in right behind me. The older ones must train their kidneys and bladders to wait for drainage until Mom is taking a shower. I have been taking a shower and have had the whole family in the bathroom. I guess that is family togetherness.
6. Will the questions ever end? - It seems as I get older, I just have more questions. Once, somebody told me that at 22, you will know all. I'm way pass 22, and I'm still waiting to know all.
Feb. 10, 2000 |
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